Glad to be me :)

Some may question my choices some may wonder at my wisdom. However I know I am doing the right thing with my life so that is what really counts. I may have days where everything over whelms me and I need to cry and maybe that is a sign of weakness or deep unhappiness but I believe that it is a sign that my life is tough but I am unbroken and unbreakable.

I am so glad to be me, to have a family I love with a fierceness few will ever know. I am glad to be strong enough to handle a strange situation. I am glad to be able to look out in to the world and see its beauty even on the worst days. I stop to smell the roses, see the clouds, watch the sun set, notice the patterns in the stars and so much more around me every day. Just glad to be me. Who am I? I am who I choose to be. My challenge is to think about why you are glad to be you, go out and smell the roses. Enjoy the way you see the world no one else will ever see it quite the way you do.

    

My most recent work celebrating the wonderful world I see 

Rain Storm

Rain Storm 

Flash of lightening 

roll of thunder 

still I step out 

the sky is grey and moody

yet to me 

there is something

peaceful in it 

Another Roll of Thunder 

I feel the drops of rain 

first on the top of my head

then all over my body 

penetrating my clothes 

I am wet 

but I feel beautiful

Another Roll of Thunder 

I look into the sky

to feel the rain 

on my face 

to thank Heavenly Father

for the gift 

what others call disagreeable whether

I find joy and peace in 

Another Roll of Thunder 

I love the silence 

of a million rain drops

falling to the ground

hitting leaves 

along the way 

the storm has calmed

my storm within my soul

Another Roll of Thunder 

Some of my fellow beings 

look and stare 

at the girl walking in the rain 

with the serene smile 

though they do not 

know none can know

my secret the truth 

I walk in the rain because of him 

The Silence Trilogy

These are some of my poems and a recent painting I did as a visual repersentation of my orginal poems. The Poems are all from my teen years and early twenties, however all very recently revised. So I hope you all enjoy

Shadows Of Silence 

I do not hide 

in ordinary shadows 

I hide in the shadow of silence

My own silence 

self consuming silence 

No one hears 

the words in my mind

words I would speak

yet no courage was I given

So I remain in the shadows of silence. 

The shadow of silence 

all consuming silence 

swallows my word 

my song my voice 

my smile my heart 

The shadows of silence 

has swallowed everything 

No light penetrates 

nothing penetrates 

my shadow of silence. 

The Sound Of Silence 

The sound of silence in my mind 

more deafening than a thousand screams 

waiting for words to trickle 

from the top of my mind 

to the tip of my pen 

where the ink will seep out

to the clean white sheet 

till it forms sentences 

and paragraphs 

until then the sound of silence

screams in my ears 

screaming the words 

unformed and unable to be 

finished 

There Is Silence Once Again

There is silence again 

consuming silence

light cannot penetrate 

the silence 

I am alone in the solemn night

no place to rest 

my weary head 

no hand 

to hold my lone hand 

will joy ever find me 

will my heart ever find 

a place to trust and love 

the silence

has come a fog deep 

upon my eyes 

within my soul I find darkness 

noting gets in or 

out from the silence 

Traveling!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yahooo I have been on vacation for a week. Well I have been at my dads which thankfully is not in Indiana. While I have come to appreciate the state in which I grew up it is not the place I really want to be. I have enjoyed my time away immensely.  I have seen and done things I have wanted to for a long time now, I have put several check marks in the I have done it list shortening it by quiet a lot :).

But adventures are still out there to be had, to experience life fully at least according to me. I will not however have regrets if I don't get it all done, because I plan on doing as much as possible till I am called home touch as many places as I can see as many things as I can. But when my life is done it is done and I will choose to be happy with all I did no matter how much is still on the list of undone. Never live worried about the end never die regretting what you have not done just live be proud of who you are because no matter who you are you lived and you mattered to the world as one of my favorite shows once said "an ordinary man is the most important person in the universe". So live life so that for you it was full not for any one else just YOU!

I am still young

So, today I was reminded that in my rather small world of being LDS I am approaching the "lost cause" category of singleness a dreaded fate in the culture. I said culture because the beliefs are very different and understand all of us have unique situations. Still most of my peers are working on their second or even 3rd kid and have been married for 5 plus years. They have no concept of my life and have no ability to sympathize with my feelings of being lonely and some how a failure. The biggest problem is really with my own feelings because in there place I would have said the same things. I thought exactly the same way but now I am living the side that I was afraid to ever be on over 25 and still unmarried. However truly I am young, very young in fact and many older parents are better parents. Also I have a few reasons to rejoice that I am over 25 and unmarried. First of all I can just go on a trip because I feel like it no worries about takeing young children along. Second when I turned 25 and had that quarter life crises thinking OMG is this all there is???? I was not married and trying to get out of that, I just wanted to get out of my quiet life in Indiana. Third there is plenty of time to figure out a few things about myself like what I want to study, my life possiblities are wide open. So does it still seem like a curse some days yes, but I am still YOUNG, there is so much out there to experience and I have experienced things I would have never experienced if I had gotten married younger. So I guess my impartive to you today would be count your blessings and find the blessings in your trails. Life is trying to teach you something learn it. I am working on learning my lessons and through guidence I am certain I will. 

Things I think we forget

I love to watch historical dramas and as I sat watching one about WW2. I thought how much we seem to just gloss over in the history books and how much words on a page can never tell us about. The numbers and letters on a page can be so heartless. And then the people living in america felt so much of the war kinda by remote there has not been war in the United States since the civil war sure we send our troops but the every day people did not have to live through bombing rads here in america.
I have a direct interest in WW2 because my Heritage is German directly through my mother she was born there a product of the american presence in  Germany. Then my grandparents on my dads side both served during the war my grandfather enlisted just after Pearl Harbor. My mother was adopted by americans and again I have further connection to those who lived and served during WW2. Her adoptive Father was a general.
Any way I think we miss the point that people lost there lives whether that was for time sacrificeing to the great cause or whether that was forever.
They could not live for 6 years the world stopped living and started fighting is it any wonder we had the baby boom? People learned we could kill each other so fast no one would know it was coming, And kill each other so slowly no one knew it was happening 50 million people lost their lives in this conflict do we even half understand that number? I wish I could say we learned something from all of that, That at the end of the day it was worth the fighting and the killing because we stopped doing it and finally learned to get along. But how many more have lost there lives since? I wish I could make sense of it all but I cant and as I think of all the terrible things that I have seen happen in my life time. I have to wonder why it needs to continue any longer but I guess it is up to Heavenly Father to decided when we are done.
But we can still make our little coner of the world a more beautiful place please go out in honor of all the dead in all the wars, and do something to make better the world they died trying to save. And remember that Memorial Day is not just the begining of summer it is a day set apart to remember.  

Thanks be to Heaven for pure minds and hearts!

Today I am thinking of how grateful I am for young children, and the beauty of their pure minds. As I was listening to some of my favorite music with words that are innocent enough, still I was surprised at how sad the thoughts were. But my nieces played on not really thinking about the words and there meaning. It certainly reminded me how sweet and innocent their little minds are how pure how simple. I was certainly wishing, that I could return to that mind. A mind so innocent and pure that I cannot imagine what it means to have ghost of your past hunting you or even that darkness can be comforting because the light is unforgiving in its truthfulness.
They forgive wrongs and love you even a moment after you have done something like break a promise. Oh how I wish I could have such an angel heart but I am often cruel and punishing towards those that do me wrong. I often enjoy songs with dark themes because of hidden anger. My suggestion for myself and all of you is to take a lesson from children and forgive to forget and ignore the worst find the best and find reasons to take a moment to wonder at something new be child like and less childish.

living life

My life is at times very boring, I live in a mid size, mid western town where there is not a lot to do. This year as I celebrated yet another 20 something birthday in the same town I graduated High School in. I took a few chances to live a little, I am pleased to say I checked something off my things to do before I die list and served my family and friends.
So one of the things I got to do was to try a new food, one of those crazy foods that you see people eating on tv raving about and you kinda hmmmm....... are they just saying that to get me to eat it even though it is really very gross? Any way for my birthday dinner my mom and I went out to my favorite meal of sushi and since I have been wanting to try sea urchin for years I decided to go for it (picture below) and it was an amazing experience one I hope was not a once in a life time.
During my nieces spring break I get a text from the mom of one of my nieces best friends mom she tells me that my niece cant come over for a sleep over because her daughter is in the children's hospital down in Indianapolis. So what else could we do but go to see her and that is exactly what we did. Then later we visited my 87 year old grandmother in Cincinnati. We served we loved our friends and family. This is the purpose of our lives to serve and love one another.
So I can say with honesty that you to should go out and do something make to make the world a more beautiful place and take advantage where ever you are of the wonderful world we already live in.

re launch of my blog

Sometimes you need to take a step back from something especially when you decided it is going to be a thing you hope to make your career. I happen to be very frightened of making those sorts of decisions. I say I am not but I am. I suppose it is because I don’t ever want to make what I do to become something I hate. There are other reasons but I am keeping those to myself.
At any rate I am back, with a new mission! My New mission which I suppose is really the same reason just condensed and I am backing out of a few of my promises. First the new mission is simply this to inspire to see the beauty in life. Whether that is in everyday things or in an extraordinary experience. Also to express my gratitude for my extraordinary life and to tell you a few of things that I learn along my way. It seems to me that some of us are born to put into words the things we learn. I believe we are all learning things together as a human family but sometimes some of us need to put it in to langue that is insightful. I think I have a gift for insight and I love the idea of using my life and experience to help others in life. I also love learning from others and look foreword to hearing from my readers so do not hesitate to reply and start a conversation. I recently had a great chance to learn from others and it gave me insight into myself and I am very grateful for my good fortune in life. I have had a blessing to be born into a rather interesting family and maybe when I have dedication, I will write it all down actually I have already began but I find it some what difficult to get thru a life barely begun.
One thing I know for sure is my life would be dull and grey without music and that is one thing I need to never ever forget. For me life is brighter and better with music and I hope you all can find what makes your days brighter. I have found myself feeling darker lately and then I listened to the kind of music that makes me smile (British don’t ask me why but some days I wonder if I was born in the right country).
The one thing I will not be doing on my blog is sharing my recipes that is not because I don't want to share my food with the world. It is because of the way I cook, I use my nose to smell when things are right and I measure very little of my ingredients. I will share with you about any new remarkable food experience occasionally as long as it is more about living life and less about food.
At the end I want to tell you the world is more beautiful than we let it be go out trust more, love more and brighten the world with any little thing you can do. Have a great day and I will be back with another post within the week.

ode to spring!!!

Spring is my absolute favorite time of the year :) I love everything about spring, from the rain to the sunshine nothing makes me more serene then the way the earth renews itself in spring. The smell is so glorious a combination of wet spring rain, the perfect breeze, and sunshine. I love the birds sweet happy tune, I love the warm but not to warm temperatures and I love being able to be out side with no mosquitoes buzzing in my ears.
Flowers are a great joy on this earth, the way they break forth with strength and beauty reminding us that winter is never forever. I love lighter fabric and brighter colors no more coats and heavy sweaters Spring is my joy and my peace knowing it will always come at the end of winter :). Now stop reading this blog and enjoy the beautiful gift we have been given of a wonderful world that renews itself every year.

A Valentines Post

These are a few of my thoughts when I was very on the subject of love, I think some days that I knew more then than I do now. Love is so complex at least we make it so 

Love is not in the lightening

Love is not in the whirlwind, loves is in the breeze brushing your face as gentle as a whisper.  Love is not in the in the lightening, flashing in an instant then gone. Love is as the sunshine bright, warm constant. Clouds may appear to obscure, but love is still there warm and gentle. Love is not in the earth quake shaking violently changing the earth. Love is in the river slowly moving across the earth gently smoothing earth to a perfect shape,  most of all love is not a shooting star firing across the sky a quick blazing instant instead it is the stars dotting the night sky forever in their place.

Love  

Hearts, flowers, and candy all given in the name of love. Yet they are only things given with a word that means more than any of these how sweet how gentle the word yet still only a word that they gave to explain all that is inside a soul but a word that means so much more it is an emotional connection that remains long past the moments that created it past looks past even time for our thoughts are part of the universe they go on forever love so often said yet rarely truly given for it is far more precious than any diamond or gold for none of these go on forever.

Things that inspire me

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI one of my Favorite songs ever by Natasha Bedingfiel
2. I recently have been reading a great book entitled The Bonds that make us free.  In the 1^st chapter it quotes Dostoyvsky’s The Devils  “All my life I have been Lying. Even when I told the truth. For I never told the truth for its own sake but only for my own.” This quote shook me and told me things about myself and others that I would have never thought before I recommend the book very highly and hope to learn to tell the truth for its own sake.
3.  One of my favorite books of all time; I have taken to the habit of reading it at least once a year is Jane Eyre.  The character of Jane Eyre, I think is very admirable her strength of conviction, sense of integrity, and over all will to live free from blame truly inspires me. Though she is fictional, and therefore I am sure in some people’s mind an unimaginable person to ever actually exist. I believe that it speaks much to the human capacity of great and admirable qualities simply in the fact a human heart even conceived such a character. We can and should be more and in our souls we desire to be more. It is possible if we just believe in ourselves and our own power to change even the smallest part of the world. To simply do the right thing because it is right not because it is easy or convenient to ourselves and our own goals.
4. One of my favorite movies that inspires me is Eat, Pray, Love (yeah I know it is a book as well). I love this idea of a journey of self discovery. Weather that journey takes us around the world or around the corner. If we choose to ask to be taught about what is truly important, I believe the Universal power will teach us through our experiences. If we are in tune, He is already teaching us if we take the time to enjoy the life he has given us. Pray; talk to the Universal power something is out there I call him God or Heavenly Father, the name is not as important as the effort we take to commune with the universal power and ourselves there is a spark of good in all of us and if we learn to listen to that spark we can be a light to the world. When we truly commune with the Universal power he will teach us to Eat, Pray, and most of all LOVE. With all our hearts; through honesty and true shared experience. I believe there is another person out there that needs us as much as we need them, to walk through this life with.  They will teach us things about ourselves, and the world we live in that we could never conceive of on our own. If we learn to look for that person with true openness of heart they will walk in and bring light to our understanding and more Eternal Beauty to our lives then by any other means possible.
5.  Starry Night my Favorite painting also a reminder to never take a true artist for granted. Though sometimes great beauty comes through great adversity thank you Vincent Von Gough.  http://www.vangoghgallery.com/catalog/image/0612/Starry-Night.jpg   

First poem

Today, I thought I might get going on my other promises. I am a writer, I write mostly poetry, I do write stories but not as many. Good news is, this means I will be providing a story in the near future as once a month or so, chapter by chapter installments.  Anyway, on to today’s feature--a poem!! This one was written a few years ago, I believe in a writing spree I went through for about two weeks I was feeling political and philosophical and I produced like half a dozen poems.

Humanity

Humanity, oh will we ever learn

or see ourselves for our possibilities

we are grand and strong

small and weak,  we are brilliant

we can destroy the world or create a better one

how will you choose to change this world

by seeing humanities faults or virtues

by degrading and being petty

being the worst

while thinking to point the finger at the worst

or find in the mirror that the greatest chance

to change the world starts there

for if you want change

first start with the one reflected there

oh humanity will you ever see

your own nobility

beauty and strength

or will you forever see the worst

please note: I do have original hand written copies of this please do not steal

 This is the glass rose that started the name and philosophy.

 One of my late grandfather's paintings he was one of my inspirations

 My own Painting

Don't forget to find beauty around you

Alarms

I am a fan of the alarm clock--or I guess these days my alarms on my phone. Without my alarms, I would always be even later then I already am (I am a big fan of snooze too).  I would also forget to do things I am supposed to be doing so calendar and alerts on my phone once again saves my skin. On the other hand, it is also my worst enemy. It runs our lives from wake up to going to sleep, it gets us to where we are supposed to be but where are we going and are we paying attention to whom we are becoming as we go about doing the things we are supposed to be doing?

I know this is not a new thought or original idea. People have been questioning what the technology is doing to the human experience since the wheel was invented. So I am just putting my two cents in to tell the world that those among us who wonder may have a point and I hope today you may look around and spend a minute not looking at your clock. Perhaps you even could take a day and do what you want to do, not even what you think you’re supposed to do as you relax because that is once again doing what you’re supposed to do. I don’t mean to put new expectations on you. What I mean and I will use myself as an example is do what makes the world disappear from around you. If I am having that moment it is usually when I am writing, painting, crafting or reading. I have this moment when I am listening to the music I always have in the background, and I become so absorbed by whatever I am working on that I am no longer there. Emotionally, I am 100% given to the painting and I love that sense of diving into my work. Now we all know that some among us get to have this feeling every time they do the thing that makes them money, but, you know what, they are the exception. They are rare, but that does not mean that you should not take time and do what you love. Turn off the alarms. You should never have something to pull you back to reality when you are giving yourself over to what you love. Whether you are going to be praised for it or not, someone who loves you will love it as much as you do whatever you do, even if it is making a basket in a basketball game, painting, running, or writing, whatever makes you disappear into yourself and the busy world of technology not matter anymore.    

  

Mean green

Alright this is a quick one I will post a pic soon but I have promised recipes so here is the first one for a healthy smoothie. 

Mean green smoothie 

 1/4 of a honey crisp apple, 1/2 a cup of baby spinach, a bit of avocado, 1/2 a banana, 1/2 a cup of orange juice, splash of ginger ale, a splash of lemon or lime juice and a 1/4 cup of watercress. now this is very zesty and sweet. blend and enjoy :) yea it is a little odd but I promise it is very tasty and healthy!!!!!!!!

Why a blog?

      Well I want to start out with my why? Why did I decide this was something I wanted to do, why I called it “The glass rose”, and Why I hope you come back.

     So lets start out with why "The glass rose"? It all started with an art project. I created a mosaic glass rose inspired by The Phantom of the Opera by Andrew Loyd Weber. However with time, it became something more it became my philosophy. The eternal nature of beauty and the fragile nature of beauty rolled into a single symbol. I truly believe beauty; true beauty is forever weather in people, art, or nature. But, it is also easily broken by unkind words and thoughtless misuse. So the glass rose is who I am and How I see the lovely people, art and nature around me I hope to help inspire others to see this, to be kinder to ourselves and others, respect and support the arts, and to enjoy the bounty of beauty in the world around us and to remember it is glass in our care.

      Why did I decide this was something I wanted to do. I wish I could say that this is no vanity project but to be honest when is a blog not a vanity project? We all want validation and a blog is a way of getting it. So if you have continued reading....

                

        Here is a little about me, for those of you who don’t know me. I know many of my friends and family will be my first followers but I hope to gain others. I am a single twenty something girl, still living at home. But I have things I am doing I am helping my older brother and his ex-wife raise their two wonderful children. They were babies when I graduated high school they needed help but could not afford child care. So I thought I can do something! I have the time and I was not sure what I wanted to do. So I stuck around, and I have no regrets they are great! I would not trade what I have been doing for a thousand college degrees. 

                

      Part of this life of helping with my brothers kids is that I do a lot of cooking, I have been doing much of the cooking in my family since I was a pretty young teenager. I started cooking at age 8 and have continued to learn and grow. I spent many years watching Food network but I rarely fallow other people’s recipes. So everything I will share with you should be fairly original.  BTW I am LDS, so when I share my recipes with you they will not contain any alcohol though I am certain they will be fine if you choose to add it. 

           

       Finally, as a young girl I started writing poetry, well I would sing on the playground rather than playing and eventually what I sang started getting written down when I was a teenager, I will be sharing that with you as well. I will also be sharing anything else that inspires me weather that is a movie, book, television, music, or art. Any way that is a little bit about me. I will share from time to time little updates and other tid bits from my life but this is not my journal, I am totally not into the idea of the entire internet able to read anything too personal. And I don’t want to have it be very negative life stinks enough you don’t need me being a downer to. 

       

        Also  I would love to hear of the things that inspire you! Tell me of the great book you just read or the art, movies and other chances you have yourself of enjoying the beauty around you.